


And Now I Just Sit In Silence

by litladyloveshp



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Emotional Tension, father/son bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-07 13:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12233418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litladyloveshp/pseuds/litladyloveshp
Summary: Kevin and his father go on an annual camping trip. Things are going a little differently this year.





	And Now I Just Sit In Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maeve_of_Winter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeve_of_Winter/gifts).



Kevin felt as though he had been shocked into a waking state. This wasn’t the first time in the last few months that Kevin had been awaken so abruptly. Despite the way he chose to carry himself, he had been averaging no more than 4 hours of sleep a night. He had to much going on in his head to fall asleep and these thoughts would haunt his dreams and his rest once he finally managed to sleep. 

He glanced over at the clock. It was 5:44 in the morning. The town of Riverdale was still shrouded in darkness. Though it had been fraught with scandals and dangers, it still remained quiet and peaceful during the early hours of the morning. 

Kevin shook his head and began his descent back into sleep. He almost gone when his alarm began it’s shrill scream fifteen minutes later.

The sound of the alarm clock was both loud and irritating. He desperately tried to turn it off without fully waking up, but he ended up swiping at the air all around his clock.

Though not fully awake yet, Kevin heard his door open.

“Kevin, please turn your alarm off.” Thomas Keller instructed groggily. Kevin could hear his father shuffling out of the room seconds after this demand.  

“Alright, Dad.” Kevin responded, though he knew his father would already be down the stairs by now. He returned to swiping for his alarm, more vehemently than he had been before, now desperate to silence the alarm before he disturbed the neighbors. His hand finally made contact with the clock and Kevin sighed in relief as he started to drift off once again.

_ Why did I have an alarm set?  _ Kevin thought. _ It isn’t a school day. And even if it was, it is fall break so I wouldn’t need to… _

_ Oh, it’s fall break _ . 

Kevin rose to sit up in his bed, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. Kevin and his dad went on a camping trip every year during fall break. A tradition for the Keller men ever since Kevin was old enough to remember. It was always a great way for he and his father to spend some time together without as much outside interference. The two of them would set up a tent, hunt for local game, fish if the weather permitted, and just enjoy being around each other. Kevin usually looked forward to this trip all year, but this year was different. This year, he and his dad were both dealing with the fallout of the last couple months. Between finding corpses and dating Serpents, Kevin didn’t feel like he could talk to his father. Normally Kevin would confide in his father about everything, but between what he had done and his father’s mishandling of the Jason Blossom murder, things were strained at the Keller house to say the least. 

Kevin wasn’t even sure he wanted to go on the trip. Almost a week alone with his dad, avoiding several topics of conversation.

_ Doesn’t that sound relaxing?  _ Kevin thought to himself sarcastically.  _ Maybe I should just tell Dad I don’t want to go.  _

But before Kevin could think any further on it, he shook his head.   

_ No.  _ Kevin determined.  _ If I ever want to get past the awkwardness between us, I need to be willing to embrace the discomfort for the time being.  _

With this thought in mind, Kevin got out of bed and began his morning routine. His father was a military man and raised Kevin to always keep his room up to military standards. He quickly made his bed, making sure the corners were sharp and neatly tucked. He walked over to the bathroom that he and his father shared and showered, shaved, and dressed. Kevin quickly walked back to his room so that his father could have access to their little bathroom. 

His room was clear of most of the stereotypical teenage paraphernalia, except for two things. On his end table, next to the lamp and the irritating alarm clock was a picture of him and Betty from last year’s spring formal. Kevin smiled as he remembered their adventures on the dance floor. The other item on his end table was a leather wrist band. Not normally a Kevin approved accessory, but it had belonged to Joaquin. 

_ Joaquin.  _ Kevin thought, sighing. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it to anyone, he was still dealing with the emotional fallout of Joaquin’s departure. It’s not everyday you send your boyfriend away so that he doesn’t get convicted as an obstructor of justice. And with every day that passed, as much as Kevin wanted to, he couldn’t make himself forget how Joaquin had made him feel. 

_ I loved him. Or at the very least I wanted to love him. And now I’ll never know what we could have had. He couldn’t have stayed here, he would have gone to jail. Watching my father arrest my boyfriend would have been more drama than even I could appreciate.   _

Pushing this thought aside, Kevin grabbed the wristband off the table. He decided he didn’t want to leave it behind for the next few days. He slid it onto his wrist, tucking it under his sweater so that his dad wouldn’t see it.

_ Don’t want him asking questions.  _

Just as he was pulling the cuff of his sweater down, his father knocked on his bedroom door. 

“You about ready to head out?” he asked, clearing his throat and looking around the room. 

“Yeah. I just need to grab my bag.” Kevin told his father, as he reached to the large backpack he had packed the night before, preparing for this journey. 

“Good. We should be able to make it to the grounds before nightfall.” Thomas told him.

Before Kevin could really think about the implications of what his father said, his father was overcome with a long series of coughs. 

Kevin rushed over to his father to clap him on the back.

“Dad, are you ok?” he asked as his father continued to wheeze. “Do you need to rest? We can always head out tomorrow.”

His father looked at him almost angrily. 

“No!” his father shouted, straightening up and walking over to the edge of the hallway where his own bag stood. “I am fine, though we should really head out immediately.”

“But Dad…” Kevin started

“Now.” his father barked as he stomped his way down the stairs. 

“Ok.” Kevin said, wondering why his father was so insistent on leaving right away. 

The two men loaded their packs into the truck and set off for the campgrounds.

The drive was already incredibly tense. Usually he and his father would discuss the things going on in their lives. Kevin would tell him about friends or class or what boy he was currently crushing on. His dad would tell Kevin about whatever case he was currently working on. But none of those topics of conversations were safe. Now that some of those things intertwined, neither of them felt comfortable talking about it. 

The grounds that Kevin and his father had camped at for the last 10 years were about an hour outside of Riverdale. Thomas Keller had wanted to remain close to town in case anything serious should happen, which Kevin always understood. The hour usually flew by for the both of them, but as they sat in silence except for the occasional sneeze from Thomas, time seemed to pause. The anxiety of their situation growing more and more obvious with each minute that passed. 

But when that hour had finally passed, when they would finally be able to get out of the truck and at least be doing something in their silence, Thomas drove past their usual exit. 

“Uh, Dad. I think you missed the exit.” Kevin said, pointing to the campgrounds sign as they drove past it. 

“We aren’t going there this year, son. Perkins was telling me about the game available at the campground outside of Greendale.”

“But that is at least a 3 hr trip.” Kevin explained, unable to disguise the disappointment in his voice. “What if the station needs you?”

His father stared pointedly at the road. 

“I’m not on call. They can live without me for a few days.” he said, though Kevin could tell that he didn’t mean it. 

“Who are you and what have you done with my father?” Kevin questioned, hoping his came across as a joke. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Thomas denied.

Kevin wanted to reply but then Thomas was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit.

“Oh my God, Dad!” Kevin exclaimed, reaching over to try to clap his father on the back. 

While Kevin was focused on his father, he suddenly felt the truck skewing off the road. Kevin acted without thinking, he quickly jerked on the wheel, throwing them and their truck into a ditch on the side of the road. 

As the truck crashed its way into the ditch, both Kevin and Thomas sat there stunned. 

“Are you alright, son?” Thomas asked wheezily as the last of his coughs subsided. 

“Other than being stuck on the side of the road, fantastic.” Kevin said irritatedly as he tried to push the passenger’s side door open with no luck. 

“Good.” his father replied, turning the truck off. Unlike Kevin, Thomas’s side of the truck was not obstructed by the ditch and he was able to successfully get out of it. 

Kevin sighed, frustrated by their current predicament. 

“What’s the damage?” Kevin yelled as he pulled himself over to the driver’s side to get out of the truck.

“No visible damage.” Thomas replied, looking over the car and giving a brief cough. “We might be able to get it out of here ourselves.”

Thomas rubbed his hands together, looking as though he were preparing to do just this. 

_ He wants the two of us to move this truck out of a ditch? _

“Have you actually lost your mind?” Kevin asked, unable to hide his annoyance any longer. “Even if you weren’t sick, I don’t think we could manage it.”

Thomas seemed to swallow hard, perhaps upset that Kevin would accuse him of being weak. 

“I’m not…” Thomas began, but had to stop to cough once more.  

“Let’s just call AAA.” Kevin said, reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. 

But as he felt around, he realized the cell phone wasn’t there. 

He reached into the other jacket pocket. Nothing. 

Checking his pants pockets just to be sure, Kevin quickly realized he didn’t have his phone with him. 

_ Must have dropped it in the truck.  _

As Kevin prepared to go back into the truck, his father reached out to him. 

“Don’t bother. Your phone is not here.”

Kevin looked at his father incredulously. 

“What do you mean my phone isn’t here?” Kevin asked, his face burning.

“I figured we could both use a break from our lives so I took your phone while you were loading up the gear. It is with mine on the coffee table.”

Kevin felt like he could breathe fire at this moment if he were asked to. How had his father gotten his phone away from him? And how had it taken him an hour to notice its absence?

“You took my phone!” Kevin exclaimed, shouting at his dad. “That’s great, Dad. Now what are we supposed to do? I am guessing you didn’t bring your radio either?”

“No, I did not.” Thomas replied, looking guilty. “I think the only thing we can do is try to fix this ourselves.”

“We cannot lift this truck, Dad!” Kevin yelled at his father, banging his hands on the back the truck out of frustration. 

Thomas’s face grew stern. Kevin rarely yelled at his dad. As now as he saw his father standing there, looking as though he were trying his best to bite his tongue, Kevin regretted his actions. 

“I’m sorry.” Kevin added. “Look, I am just gonna walk to the exit and see if I could use a phone at one of the businesses there.”

Kevin looked towards where the exit would be. It didn’t appear to be close in any way. But he knew it was the only way to get themselves out of this situation. He took a deep breath and began to walk in that general direction. 

“Fine. I am going with you.” Thomas replied. Kevin could hear him shuffling to catch up with him. 

Kevin paused and looked at his father. 

“Maybe you should just stay here.” Kevin suggested, gesturing towards their truck. “You’re clearly sick. I can get there faster and get help.”

“I am not sick and you are not going alone.” Thomas stated.  “You are my son, it is my job to take care of you. We are going together and that is final.”

Kevin wanted to retort, but he had nothing to add. So he turned away from his father and walked down the side of the road. 

Several minutes went by and the Keller men were still walking in silence. Kevin kept looking ahead every once in awhile, but the exit didn’t seem to be getting any closer and there was no one else out on the road this early in the morning. 

_ We sure picked a wonderful spot to break down in.  _ Kevin thought to himself bitterly as he walked. 

His legs were starting to get tired, but he was grateful that he had already changed into his camping gear so they were not as sore as they could be. 

Other than the occasional cough or sneeze, neither of the men made a noise. Kevin considered suggesting they stop, but he knew his father wouldn’t go for it. So they walked on, becoming more bitter with each step. 

“We should have made it to the exit by now.” his father said behind him, sounding incredibly tired and weak.

Kevin rolled his eyes in frustration. 

“Well, maybe if I had my phone with me, I would know how much further we had to walk.”

Kevin hated treating his father this way, but he was upset. Thomas forced them into this trip even though he is sick and for added measure made sure they had no way to contact the outside world in case something happened to either of them. 

“I understand that you’re upset…”

“Upset?” Kevin bickered. “I was upset when you didn’t listen to my suggestion about staying at home until you felt better.”

“I’m not…” Thomas began, but Kevin cut him off. 

“I was upset when I realized we drove the truck into a ditch. I am livid that you took my phone.”

Kevin stopped walking and whipped around to yell at his father to his face. 

“You’re the freaking sheriff. You should know how dangerous it is for both of us to be without our phones. What if something more life threatening had happened? Where would we be then?”

Thomas stared at Kevin, clearly stunned by his insolence. Kevin was having a hard time caring. It was almost 8 in the morning and sun was barely rising and their situation felt impossible. 

Kevin sighed frustratedly and turned around and began to walk. He got no more than a couple steps away when he felt a pull on his shoulder. Thomas forced Kevin to turn around to look at him.  

“You cannot talk to me like that, I am your father.”

Kevin was angry enough that he wanted to reply, but he knew he would regret that decision later. Despite lack of sleep and annoying circumstances, he forced himself to hold back.

Kevin took a deep breath and decided to just avoid dealing with it. 

“You’re right. I am sorry.” Kevin told his father, trying desperately to put his anger behind him. 

Thomas however was not backing down. 

“Is it so wrong that I actually wanted to spend some time with you without interruption?” Thomas asked, folding his arms “How was I to know that we would actually need our phones?”

“You could have just told me that you didn’t want me to be on my phone.” Kevin explained, calmly “I would have been willing to turn it off.”

“How was I to know that?” Thomas yelled. “Ever since...”

Kevin stared at his father for a moment. 

“Ever since…?”

Thomas seemed to regret his words. He shook his head. 

“Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

Thomas walked by Kevin, seeming more determined to get away from this situation. But now that they were here, Kevin wasn’t ready to let it go. His father started this conversation; perhaps it was time for them to see it through. 

“Ever since what, Dad?” Kevin asked, his voice filled with malice.

Thomas groaned in frustration as he turned to face his son.  

“Ever since you started keeping secrets from me.” the Sheriff admitted, his eyes filling with hurt. 

Kevin wanted to deny it. He wanted to assure his father that he wasn’t keeping things from him, but they both knew that wasn’t true.

“Ever since…” the Sheriff walked over and pulled Kevin’s sleeve up revealing the leather strap on it. “You started dating Southside Serpents.”

_ So that is what this is about? He doesn’t like that I was dating Joaquin? I always knew he wouldn’t, but would he seriously blame Joaquin for everything that is wrong between us? _

“You’re mad about Joaquin?” Kevin questioned with hostility. 

“I’m mad that you didn’t think you could tell me about Joaquin.” Thomas admitted. “The two of you were together for weeks, behind my back. I had to find out you were dating because of a murder investigation. Why didn’t you just say something?”

“How could I?” Kevin asked, raising his voice once again. “You and Mayor McCoy and most of the town dismiss the Serpents as a bunch of lawbreakers who are ruining our town.”

“And they are.” Thomas replied, determinedly. “Do you know how many of them I have behind bars? You have no idea what they are capable of. They are not good people.” 

“But some of them are.” Kevin defended. “Some of them are victims of circumstance. Some just get roped into being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Like Joaquin?” Thomas asked, looking as though he genuinely wanted to know. 

But Kevin didn’t answer. He didn’t feel like he could. He couldn’t speak for Joaquin, why he did what he did. And even if he could, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Kevin didn’t think he should have to justify Joaquin’s behavior to his father.  

“This is what I am talking about Kevin.” Thomas argued, gesturing vaguely in the air towards him. “I wanted you to open up to me. That is why I took away your phone. That is why I am taking us as far away from Riverdale as I felt comfortable going.”

“Why should I open up to you? It is not like you would understand.” Kevin yelled. 

“Just because you were dating a boy from the southside, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t understand.” Thomas argued back.

“It’s not just that.” Kevin shouted. “You think this started with Joaquin? No, Dad. This started the day that I found Jason’s body floating in Sweetwater River.”

Thomas merely stared at Kevin, stunned into silence. Kevin wasn’t sure who was more surprised by this revelation, him or his father. But now that he had said it, voiced the thing that had only been a thought before aloud, Kevin felt as though the floodgates were opening.  

“Do you know how many nights I couldn’t sleep?” Kevin hurriedly explained “How often I would just close my eyes and see his bloated, rotting corpse floating in the water?I would go to school and pretend everything was ok because that is who I am. I am the quick witted best friend who doesn’t let anything get to him. But it was weighing on me, Dad.”

Kevin took a deep breath, letting the pain of the last few months wash over him.  

“And you couldn’t see it because you were too obsessed with keeping the Blossoms happy to notice how hard things were for me. But being with Joaquin was the first time in weeks I could think about something else. Anything else. Anything other than what was haunting me.”

Thomas stared at him, looking as though he didn’t recognize his own son in front of him. Kevin hadn’t realized it, but that was just what he had been afraid of all along. Not being understood. 

“But now Joaquin is gone.” Kevin’s voice broke “And now I’ve seen the bullet go into Jason Blossom’s brain and I…”

Kevin felt as though he were about to cry. He had said any of these things aloud before. Not even to Joaquin. The thoughts of Jason were preying on him. For most of the day, Kevin could put thoughts of Jason aside, but Jason always found a way to intrude upon his thoughts. When Kevin would try to sleep, he would see Jason’s lifeless eyes in front of him. Jason’s corpse would wash up in the middle of class, during a study session at Pop’s,  and even in the middle of the haziest of dreams. And Kevin would wake up, completely shaken and would force himself to just go back to sleep.

Joaquin becoming a part of his life had made him feel safer. The thoughts of Jason were still there, but he was distracted more by the pure bliss of a new romance. Joaquin had been more to Kevin than either of them had known. 

Thomas began coughing once again. This time, the coughing was more severe, Thomas was doubling over, his face turning red from the lack of air. He backed away from Kevin.

“Dad, Dad are you ok?” Kevin asked, panicking as he started walking towards his father.

But before he could reach him, Kevin felt the ground beneath him become uneven. Kevin tripped on a stray rock, falling into the ditch. As he landed, his right arm landed on a rusty pipe. 

_ This doesn’t matter right now.  _ Kevin thought, though he clutched his arm in pain.  _ What is happening to Dad? _

Kevin forced himself up to see his father, who was still coughing, but he was desperately trying to get over to Kevin.

“Are you…?” he managed between wheezes, thrusting his hand down the ditch as though he planned to pull his son up. 

Kevin nodded as he pushed himself out of the ditch with his left arm. He moved himself over to where he was next to his father, the coughing finally subsiding.

“Are you?” Kevin asked his dad, the worry of the last few moments seeming to erase the tension of moments ago.

“Don’t mind me.” Thomas said, staring at Kevin’s bleeding arm. “We gotta get your cut cleaned.”

Thomas gestured to Kevin’s shirt and Kevin knew what his father wanted of him.

Kevin unbutton his flannel shirt, leaving him in the white t-shirt underneath. His dad tore the shirt into multiple pieces, creating strips and he began wiping down the bloody arm. 

“Dad, I…” Kevin started, with no idea of how he was gonna finish his sentence. He was sure if he wanted to apologize or if he wanted to explain more. He just didn’t want there to be silence between them any longer. 

“You think I haven’t noticed that you can’t sleep?” his dad asked, focusing on Kevin’s arm. “You think I haven’t heard you up all hours of the night tossing and turning?”

Kevin looked down at the ground ashamed. 

“I didn’t know what to say. Things were different when I was your age.” Thomas added, using a new strip to clean some more of the blood off his arm. 

“You mean you didn’t find dead bodies in the river when you were there making out with someone.” Kevin joked, feeling as though he were channeling his inner sardonic humor. 

Thomas raised his head up to look at his son. 

“I thought you said you and the Mason boy were just friends?” his dad asked.  “Isn’t he dating that Klump girl?” 

“Not the point, Dad.” Kevin sighed, feeling a little embarrassed. 

Thomas sighed as he continued to clean up Kevin’s arm. 

“I regret not saying anything to you about it. I regret that you didn’t feel like you could come to me with it.” Thomas explained, now taking strips of Kevin’s shirt and wrapping them around his arm. 

“It wasn’t like Joaquin and I were talking about it either.” Kevin admitted, hoping to mollify his father’s guilt. 

“Were you talking to someone?” his father asked, sounding concerned. “Betty or Moose or someone that was there too?”

Kevin shook his head. He wouldn’t have known how to start that conversation. That’s how he and his father got here in the first place. He didn’t know how to say he was haunted by the world around him without sounding needy. 

“I really hoped this weekend could be about us reconnecting.” Thomas confessed. “Now, I know you’re a teenager and you are not gonna share everything with me.”

Kevin nodded briefly. 

“But I really want to be a part of your life. I want to know when you are dating someone, even if you don’t think I will approve. As long as he doesn’t hurt you, I won’t stand in your way.” 

Sheriff Keller briefly coughed once again and Kevin rolled his eyes. 

“Oh my God, Dad. Why won’t you just admit you have a cold?” he impatiently asked his father. 

“Because I don’t have time to be sick, Kev.” his father admitted, bitterly. “As soon as this trip is over, I have a mountain of paperwork to deal with. Between Clifford Blossom’s suicide and FP Jones’s trial...I barely have time to breathe.”

Kevin was about to reply when a car pulled up beside them.

_ The first one that has come by in hours.  _ Kevin thought.  _ You couldn’t have shown up before the meltdown on the side of the road? _

The man inside the car rolled down his window

“Hey, you folks alright?” the man asked.  

“Our truck got stuck in a ditch and then my son fell and hurt his arm.” Thomas told the driver. 

“And we don’t have our cell phones.” Kevin remarked. Though he was ready to be more understanding of his father’s plight, he was still upset about losing his phone.

The driver pulled his phone off the dashboard.  

“My phone is charged, you can call AAA while I drive you to the next exit.”

“That would be great. Thank you, kind stranger.” Kevin said, clutching his arm and immediately getting into the backseat. 

His father got into the passenger’s side and they drove away. 

“So what are the plans once the truck is up and running?” the driver asked.

“What do you say, Kev?” his dad turned his head towards him and asked. “You still up for our camping trip?”

‘Not really.” Kevin replied honestly. 

“Oh ok.” his father replied, sounding disappointed. He turned back around to face the open road in front of them.

Kevin smiled.  

“Nah, I was hoping we could go home, I could make you some of mom’s famous soup and we could watch The Great Outdoors and talk instead.”

Kevin saw the reflection of his father smiling in the window.  

“I guess I could live with that.”

He and his father had a long way to go, but at least Kevin finally felt like they had a chance of getting back what they once had. Joaquin was still gone and Jason would still haunt him, but if nothing else, he felt like he had his father on his side. And with that, anything was possible. There was hope and that was more than Kevin had had in awhile. 


End file.
